Crystal Hefner recalls ‘losing herself’ as Hugh’s wife

Seven years after the death of Hugh Hefner, his widow Crystal Hefner is coming clean.

The model, 37, was married to the Playboy founder from 2012 until his death at the age of 91 in 2017.

Crystal’s newest memoir “Only Say Good Things: Surviving Playboy and Finding Myself” will be out on Jan. 23 and ahead of its release, she pulled back the curtain on her life as an infamous Playmate.

She recently got candid with People before the tell-all’s publication and admitted that she was never actually “in love” with her late-husband.

The then-21-year-old was invited to stay at the Playboy Mansion in October 2008 and she entered into a relationship with Hugh months later.

She even appeared on the E! reality series about the Playmates titled “The Girls Next Door.”

“At the time I thought I was on top,” she recalled. “I thought, wow, if I just like everything that he likes and do all the things that he wants me to do, then I’m the favorite. And I was, but I just lost myself in the process.”

Hugh proposed to her on Christmas Eve, 2010, and she felt conflicted over the idea of marriage.

She explained that she initially accepted the proposal and later broke off the engagement just five days before their initial wedding in June 2011.

She told the outlet how she ran back to her relationship with Dr. Phil’s son Jordan McGraw, for a brief period before returning to Hugh.

She and the sex publisher finally reconciled and tied the knot on Dec. 31, 2012, and she became his third wife.

“I realized I was dealing with a really big power imbalance,” Crystal said. “It seemed like a world of success and fantasy, but everyone’s having to sleep with an 80-year-old. There’s a price. Everything has a price.”

The former “Playboy Playmate of the Month” star also divulged how restrictive the lifestyle at the mansion was for her and the other Playboy Bunnies while under Hugh’s roof.

She added that he would give each of his “girlfriends” an allowance that he handed to them in neat bills.

“Our nail polish couldn’t be anything but some neutral color, no French manicure,” Crystal went on.

Crystal even remembered an instance when Hugh would make a note to her when her natural brown hair would start to show by her roots.

“So I’d have to go bleach it and it would burn my scalp and I’d have blisters,” she recounted. “But for some reason I thought this was all normal and that’s what it meant to be seen as beautiful in Hef’s eyes.”

Last July, she exclusively told the Post why she decided to name her book “Only Say Good Things.”

She revealed that she once had ” a conversation with Hef and he let me know: ‘Once I go, when I’m gone, please only say good things about me.’”

“I kept that promise for the last five years. After going through a lot of therapy and healing, I realized that I needed to be honest about my time there. The book is about healing from a toxic environment.”

While her memoir is full of jaw-dropping anecdotes about her life as a member of the illustrious Playboy Bunnies, one story centered around Hugh indulging on the sex drug Viagra — until the very end of his life.

The erection-inducing pharmaceutical eventually caused him to go deaf in one ear.