How to understand a Gen Alpha child, from a confused Zoomer

Think Zoomer slang is baffling? Wait until you hear what the next generation is saying.

Generation Alpha, made up of the kids born since 2012, has officially entered the chat.

Have you ever heard words like sigma — not the Greek letter — gyat or fanum tax? Apparently they mean alpha male, “girl your a** thick” and the cost of stealing food from your friends, respectively.

As a Gen Zer myself, I’m not even a decade older than some of Gen Alpha, but I’m already confused by their slang and humor.

Cue the eyerolls and “OK Zoomer” insults.

Take the popular Gen Alpha song, “Gyatstacy,” which has gone viral in posts on TikTok, YouTube and Twitch.

Originally posted by a 13-year-old TikTok user called @ovp.9 and sung in the voice of a clearly prepubescent boy, the lyrics are beyond comprehension.

“Sticking out your gyat for the rizzler. You’re so Skibidi. You’re so fanum tax. I just wanna be your sigma. Freaking come here. Give me your Ohio.”

Don’t worry, Millennials, Gen X and Boomers — I’m lost, too.

According to a Morning Consult survey of Gen Alpha’s parents, some of the most common slang terms they overhear include “bet” (an alternative for “OK”), “sus” (an abbreviation for “suspicious,” first popularized by the online game Among Us) and “bussin”” (an adjective used to describe delicious food).

Stranger yet are Gen Alpha’s memes, two of which are referenced in the “Gyatstacy” song.

The most popular is “Skibidi toilet” — a 72-part (!) YouTube video series that depicts a war between toilets with human heads and humans with security cameras for heads.

The series was created by Georgian YouTuber Alexey Gerasimov, who is a Zoomer in his 20s. Episodes regularly garner north of 100 million views, and Gen Alpha apparently love shouting “Skibidi” at random, according to parents and teachers.

When you ask them to explain, as one TikToker did, incredulous kids can hardly believe anyone wouldn’t know what it is: “Skibidi Toilet — I don’t know how you don’t know this — but Skibidi Toilet is basically like someone’s head coming out of a toilet, and it can be any size. They eat people. It is a meme of something eating people, I guess. Like, the people are like robots, technically.”

That clarifies things.

The generation also apparently has an affinity for the state of Ohio, which features prominently in many of their cryptic memes

One member of Gen Alpha told The Post that her generation uses “Ohio” to describe something strange — as in “only in Ohio.”

According to the website KnowYourMeme, “the creepy undertone of Ohio’s memetic perception is evident in all of the Ohio trend’s signifiers. What really goes on there? The memes ask the viewer. What really goes on in the place that represents America’s epitome of capitalist, wasteland culture?”

I’m not the only Zoomer who’s perplexed — teen TikTokkers and YouTubers have taken to the internet to complain they already feel “old” and “out of touch” with the next generation.

“Over the years, I find myself slowly getting less and less of the trends and memes and slang these young kids are using as I’m scrolling through TikTok or YouTube or whatever,” Bofang Chang, a 25-year-old Canadian YouTuber, told The Post.

“If you’ve watched any of the Skibidi toilet videos, then you know how bizarre of a world Gen Alpha is living in,” he added. “I’m only a generation older, but already I’m lost.”

The tables have turned, and now a generation that’s even more internet native than Gen Z are leaving even teens feeling “old.”

We were the iPhone generation, and we’re suffering the consequences of growing up plugged in and on social media since our middle school days.

But Gen Alpha are the iPad generation, raised on YouTube videos and TikTok before they even hit puberty. They’re even more plugged in — and their culture, therefore, is even more insular.

George Mason, a popular Gen Z YouTuber, agrees: “With Gen Z, I feel like we did grow up with the internet, but we still grew up with like TV and normal stuff. But with Gen Alpha, I feel like they’ve purely grown up with YouTube Kids. And the problem with YouTube Kids is that Skibidi Toilet is on YouTube kids.

“Nickelodeon taught us lessons about family and friends. What does Skibidi Toilet teach you?”